“Loving the People You’re Stuck With”

Ephesians 4:25-5:2

August 10, 2003

St. Paul UMC

Rev. John Fleming

I would like to invite you into a memory of mine of something that I was a part of now almost seven years ago. For some reason, it crossed my mind while I was working on our sermon for this morning. Let me set the scene up for you. The Garretts, Randy and Sheila, good friends of ours and a family that I once pastored, were looking for a great Christmas gift for their only son, ten year old, Clay. Clay is an only child and his birthday was near the first of December, so that meant that he had just about everything that he could ever want. His mother always made sure of that. And because his birthday had just happened, his folks were almost at their wits end trying to find two or three somethings that Clay might like to help celebrate Jesus’ birthday.

That is where I come into this story. You see, Clay had always wanted a dog. It seems that he had a friend who had a basset hound. Clay decided that a basset hound is what wanted and so the four of us, Randy, Sheila, Susie, and I started looking for such a dog. We checked the classifieds and a few days before Christmas, 1996, Randy drove to Arkadelphia to pick up Droopy as he came to be called. Now friends you know that I am a lover of dogs. I have two dogs of my own. It is not that I dislike dogs, so please do not take the next line of this sermon as me being against dogs, but Droopy was the ugliest dog that I had ever seen in my life! Now I know, basset hounds aren’t ever just gorgeous dogs, but generally they are cute when they are puppies. Droopy was never cute. I had never seen a dog the color of droopy. He wasn’t black and tan like most bassets. At least most of him wasn’t. His head was, but the rest of Droopy was kind of a bluish color. His breeder called him a blue tick basset hound. Yes, Droopy was ugly, but to Clay he was the prettiest and the most perfect dog in the world. I was there just after Droopy arrived as the newest member of the Garret’s household. We all laughed as Droopy ran, with his huge paws and his long ears. We could not help but to chuckle when Just a lot of the time, one of Droopy’s long ears would get in the way of his running. When that happened, he tripped over his own ears.

Now there were some ground rules laid down about whose dog, exactly, Droopy was. You parents who have given your children, who are of age to take care of pets, know what I am talking about. You see, Randy laid down the rules. Droopy was Clay’s dog and therefore he was his responsibility. That did not bother Clay, he was happy to oblige. It suited him just fine.

At first (did you hear me say at first?). Perhaps you can see where this story is going. At first, Droopy did not want for anything. When it was time for Droopy to eat, Clay ran to the pantry where they kept his food. When his water bowl was low, Clay was quick to fill it back up. And once Droopy understood that going to the bathroom meant an open door and the front lawn.

Clay was always there to open the door and to go outside with his dog. As the only dog of an only child, Droopy had it good. His life could not have been better. But Clay’s life, well, the older Droopy got and the more the new wore off, the more of a hassle his dog got to be. I don’t mind telling you that Susie and I were often in and out of the Garretts’ house and so we witnessed this transformation, this change in how Clay felt about his dog. I am pretty sure that it was a Monday night that we were all together. We had just finished eating together and were about to watch wrestling. You may remember that this was the family that turned us on to professional wrestling. We were sitting in their den, relaxing, waiting for the time for wrestling to begin, when Droopy made his way to the door. Droopy was there groaning. His now bigger paws were clawing at the door. Sheila looked up at her son with that look that said, “Clay, remember whose dog Droopy is.” Clay grunted. You see, he was weary of Droopy. Clay looked up at his mother and said, “Mom, can Droopy be your dog tonight, he’s wearing me out!” When Sheila said, “No.” I remember what Clay said to me. He looked over at me and said, “Brother John, I think that I am stuck with Droopy!”

Can you relate, maybe not to dogs, but to people? Have you ever felt that way, could you ever be accused of thinking that way about the people that you live with and love? I heard about a preacher who was leading a small group in his church. This group had been together for some time and they were beginning a new study. Together they had studied most of the Bible. The preacher wanted them to branch out a bit and so he suggested that they think about relationships for a few weeks. On the first night of their study, this preacher turned to everyone who was there and said this, “Draw me a picture with words of someone in your family who is hard to live with.” At first none of them understood, but sitting at the table was a man who did. He understood perfectly and so he was the first to offer such a picture. He said, “My mother- in- law is a cactus in a silk shirt.” He explained. “On the outside, she is smooth and wonderful. When she’s around others, she is the most popular. But on the inside, when she’s at home and no one is around, she’s dry and prickly and thirsty for life.” His wife, by the way, gave him a look that made the preacher wonder if he would need to provide marital counseling. Another guy, across the table, offered this, “Tar Baby is Brer Rabbit” The preacher had to be reminded of the story, and when he was, he remembered it. Do you remember it? It is the story of the rabbit who found a tar baby on the side of the road and when he would not talk to him, he hit him and his hand stuck to the rabbit. In frustration, he hit him with his other hand and now he was really stuck. The man who offered the visual said this, “That’s how I feel sometimes. I sometimes feel that I’m stuck with someone who just won’t talk to me!” What do you think about this morning’s sermon title, not the one that is printed in our worship bulletin, the one that I had to turn in the other afternoon before the sermon was written, but the real one, this one, “Loving the People You’re Stuck With?” Come Thanksgiving and Christmas, like it or not, they will be sitting near you at the table.

The apostle, Paul, writing to the Christians in Ephesus probably did not have your sister or your teenager in mind when he wrote these words. Quite often these are wedding words, a passage that is often used when a pastor preaches at wedding worship services. But the truth is that Paul did not have a bride and groom in mind when he penned these words. Paul had a church in mind. One of the big themes of this letter and one of the things that Paul hits time and time again is how the body of Christ, that is, the church, must be unified and working together. For the first three chapters, Paul goes on and on about who God is and who we are. I do not mind telling you that these first three chapters are heady, filled with big words, that are hard to understand. But as I told you a couple of Sundays ago, you can divide this letter perfectly in half. The apostle turns a corner with the beginning of the fourth chapter. He counsels, he urges, he cautions, he admonishes, he warns, he instructs , he gets practical about how the church is to behave. And perhaps his biggest piece of advice is that the church must be unified. Listen to a phrase or two of this advice, “But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body's growth in building itself up in love.” By the time that we arrive at the words that are our lesson, Paul is about as practical as he can be.

In my Bible, just about this passage, in an editor’s attempt to let me know what the passage is really about, are these words, “Rules for the New Life” Listen to them. You probably noticed this, but there is a word for just about everyone. Let’s look at some of these words this morning. There are enough words for a couple of sermons and I won’t do that to you this morning, so let’s look at a few of these words. First, Paul says that we are to put away falsehood and to speak the truth to our neighbors. That is hard, isn’t it? You have to be careful with this piece of advice, because there are two extremes. On one side, we are prone to lie, for no good reason or to get out of trouble and if we are not careful, a lie covers up a lie which covers up a lie which covers up a lie. Then there is the other extreme. In this extreme, we do not exactly lie, but we tell half of the truth in hopes of sparing someone’s feelings. Sometimes the whole truth hurts.

I heard about a man who received a phone call from his wife who was on her way home from Europe. She called to give her itinerary and she wanted to know about the cat that she loved. Her husband said, “Your cat died.” She said, “Honey, why didn’t you break the news to me slowly? You’ve ruined my trip!” He said, “What do you mean?” She answered, “Well, you could have told me that my cat was acting a little sluggish. Then, when I called from London, you could have told me that he was sick. And when I called from New York you could have said that he was at the vet. Then, when I arrived home, you could have met me at the door, hugged me, and said that he had died.” Well, the husband was not used to this sort of thing. He had never told some of the truth before, but he promised to try the technique. It was near the end of their conversation when the wife asked, “Well, okay, so how is my mother?” Her husband answered, “Let’s just say that she’s a little sluggish.” The truth is hard, but it is what we are supposed to do.

Listen to the second piece of advice that Paul offers. It is powerful may be the hinge on which all of these other words swing. Paul writes, “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.” Please do not miss the lesson here. Paul is telling us, he is giving us permission to be angry. There it is, right there in the Bible. Open your Bibles up and you will see it. Be angry, there is the permission. But then there is the advice, “...do not sin.” There is a difference between having the emotion and doing something with it. Can I be honest with you this morning? Given the first point of our sermon, I should be honest. Here is my honesty, I am good at the permission, but I am not so good with the sin. You see, I keep things bottled up inside. Do you do that? There are good ways for anger to be expressed and then there are not so good ways. It could be just a little thing that sets me off and gets me throwing things. Susie, you ask? Well she is much better with anger. She will be mad at me. I will know it and it drives me crazy. You see I want things settled. I do not want people mad at me. Which is Paul’s advice, to deal with our anger. That’s why he writes, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Does he mean that you have to have reconciliation before you get in your bed at night. No, I don’t think so, but he does mean that we must deal with our anger in a timely fashion.

heard of a grandfather who was giving advice to his grandson who was about to marry he and his wife had been married for over 50 years and when his grandson came for advice, he said this, “Don’t ever go to bed angry with your wife. Your grandmother and I never did that. Of course there was one night that we were up for three months.” Deal with your anger in a timely manner, says Paul, why, because if you don’t then you’re giving the devil room to work. One of my favorite television preachers is Joyce Meyers. I heard her say this once, “Don’t give the devil a foothold, because if you do, he’ll take a stronghold.” Now what happens when you don’t deal with your anger. The kind of things that are in the rest of this passage are what happens when you don’t deal with your anger. Things like bitterness and wrath and wrangling. Wrangling is a wonderful biblical word, isn’t it? You have wrangled before, haven’t you? Then there is slander, and malice. When you deal with your anger, Paul says, then you are kind to one another, tenderhearted, and forgiving others just as God in Christ has forgiven you.

The final thing that I want to say to you this morning is this, imitate God. Paul writes, “Therefore.” When Paul writes that word, you need to pay attention because something strong is coming your way. Paul says, “Therefore be imitators of God in love.” Those of us who have young children need to be very careful. Our children are looking to us for love and for guidance. They are watching our every move and listening and sometimes repeating our very words.

Not long ago I learned that my daughter said a word while she was in her child care classroom. Annie Grace should not have said the word. I have no idea where she learned that word (probably from her mother). She said that word. You have to be very careful with children. That is what Paul has in mind here when he talks about imitating God. People are watching us and looking to us for examples. I like the way another translation of the Bible puts this. Listen to the words, “Keep company with God and learn a life of love. Love like that.” Let us pray.

(Special thanks to the Garrett Family of Harmony Grove for their friendship. We need to renew our relationship. Special thanks to Max Lucado for the story about the man and the woman who talked about telling some of the truth. The story can be found in Lucado’s book, Just Like Jesus. And special thanks to Joyce Meyers who is an inspirational teacher. You can watch her on an inspirational television station or two).